Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
