got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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