i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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