so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
