I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
