So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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