Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
