my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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