Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
