you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
