I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
No subtext here. People are naked.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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