So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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