she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
