I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
