Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
