i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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