there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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