11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
