I CAN MOONWALK!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
