Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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