Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
