y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
