do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
