I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
