You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
