in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
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