Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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