So drunk its hurt
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
