so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm at about main and main street
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
