Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
