Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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