I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
