I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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