Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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