Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
