My friends, they love my intelligence
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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