K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
