someone threw a dead crab at me
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
