I'm going to jail i love you
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
