man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
