I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
