We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
