You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
