ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
