He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
should my penis look like a turkey
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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