Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
