i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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