she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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