oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
