I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
