ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
